Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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