I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
