Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
