she looked like the before picture.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
