you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize