I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
