I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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