i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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