Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
