Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
