names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
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