he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
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