These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
