He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
