YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
people are starting to question the shark bite story
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
