Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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