I could make wine with my vomit
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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