Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Randomize
