the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Randomize