i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
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