I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I just found a bag of teeth...
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
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