he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Randomize
