Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
