We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
