Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
