Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
The air was thick with penises
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
