Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
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