Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
