I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
