Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
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