I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
