I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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