We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
