Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
