On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
