I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
