Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
