i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
