You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
