it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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