ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
