the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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