I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
