i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
