I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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