K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I could make wine with my vomit
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
