So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
