Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
