Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
she told me i tasted like america
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
