so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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