Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
