his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I need a burrito and a hug.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
