On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
