Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
