All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
is it fun? or sober?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
