I don't usually arrange sex via text message
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
