great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
