I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Randomize
