So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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