well I can't set my house on fire every night
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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