Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
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