Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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