Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
