Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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