i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
