he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
high people should be assigned attendants
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
