i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
