I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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