so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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