Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Thank you for not boning my boss.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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