I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
where are you?
Hypothermia
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
