I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
