his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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