No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I met the friendliest cop last night
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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