I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
We have so much sex to catch up on
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
