I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
You've changed since you got that strap on
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
