You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
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