I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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