'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
