This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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