My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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