two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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