Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize