we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
