Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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