I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
