I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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